The Village News & Views May 17, 2017
Wednesday Get Over the Hump Free for All
Greetings Village Meese! It’s Day 118 of the Resistance and another Get Over the Hump post and discussion thread for your reading, viewing and commenting enjoyment.
WTFJH Yesterday… Undercut.
And mentioned in my post last week….
For the opposition perspective, from CBN News (the Christian perspective)…
The article linked above admits that Trump’s EO “promoting Free Speech and Religious Liberty” is pretty toothless, however it is a shot over the bow. Think this is the last you will hear about it? Think again. The recognition of Marriage Equality was a deep setback to the freedom of Christian Conservatives to continue to dictate what is acceptable, what is to be reviled and rejected, in short what human beings can and cannot do as long as they breathe the same air as the aforesaid Christian Conservatives.
I’m aware this is not the biggest story of the day, and in fact probably seems like small potatoes by comparison with #TrumpRussia and the latest National Security gaffe/Constitutional Crisis du Jour, but you will have lots of sources for those stories.
For today, I thought I would make it personal.
Merriam-Webster defines marriage:
the state of being united as spouses in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law
Um, great, okay then what are spouses?
Definition of spouse
: married person
Great. Circular definition.
Dictionary.com actually has one of the best explanations for current times, not in the definition but listed under it as something they call a “Word Story”.
Not bad for a dictionary.
If you had asked six year old me what marriage was, I might have said something like, a man and a woman get married in a church and move into their own house, and have children.
I think that is the image that the Christian Conservatives long for, and the pressure to preserve that concept continues.
I did not grow up in that family, however. My mother and father were divorced, in fact the family story is that they divorced, remarried, and divorced again, the second time for good. I remembered my daddy only vaguely, and grew up as one of three females – Mom, sister, me.
At the time, it was what was called a “broken home”. My mother had a “failed marriage”.
So much judgement, so much condemnation for a sad situation where two people tried for something and eventually were estranged.
I never consciously sought to have that traditional family that I had missed out on. I had crushes on boys, some quite desperate but far more consistently, I had “best friends”.
I met the best of my “best friends” when I was sixteen. We clicked almost immediately, discovered rather quickly that interestingly, our birthdays were a week apart. She was well liked, popular, respected by classmates and faculty, I was the newcomer, smart, practiced weirdo, underestimated. We went to Mel Brooks movies and repeated viewings of Ken Russell’s Tommy, dreamed of being actors or rock stars or super heroines. We commiserated over “cute boys”. Yet we had a far deeper connection between us that either of us ever managed with a boy.
We soon realized, and acknowledged, that if Prince Charming or James Bond ever swept one of us off their feet, he would have to be okay with the constant, continued presence of the other. You be the wife, I’ll be the mistress, was our joke.
I knew she was beautiful, and that she didn’t believe it. I would have died for her long before I realized what it meant.
That notion of a marriage being primarily for the raising and nurturing of children is a powerful one, even logical. But somehow its power and its logic do not account for something that can happen between two people. I know it doesn’t happen for everyone. If you don’t experience it, I’m not sure how you ever believe in it. Maybe that’s why marriage for some always has to have as its glue the production of new people. It’s important. Not everyone can do it. It keeps the species going.
But there is still that one thing. That something that no one can see coming, that cannot be accounted for. That thing that you and one other person know. It doesn’t always work between a man and a woman who have children. It didn’t work for my mother and father, or for hers, so we know. Children, sex, a household…
The one word that reappears in definitions over and over that doesn’t require conventions of culture or religion, that is somehow universal… the word, union.
A marriage is a union. When two people become a single, unique thing, a thing that only those two people can become. If you want to think of it as the physical joining of bodies that is fine, but it will break down. Many couples aspire to be a union. Some manage. Some never do.
Sometimes it happens without anyone looking for it. You can know it in your soul but still miss the significance, especially if your world, your culture, your frame of reference insists that there are square pegs and round holes and that what you know is true, miraculous and strong, doesn’t fit.
I had asked her after the Supreme Court Decision in 2015, and endured a certain bruising upon learning that I was not going to get an immediate yes. I kept asking.
In February, I got an email from a list I’m on about a relationship seminar on an upcoming weekend at the end of which there would be a “mass marriage ceremony”.
I forwarded the email.
Imagine my surprise when she replied to my subsequent inquiry with, “it seems kind of cool… interesting…”
She said she’d been thinking.
It was real when we went down to get the license.
Like everything else we’ve ever done, it wasn’t like anyone else’s.
I told my sister, because she happened to come over to my apartment that Tuesday.
She told her mother the night before. “Well, that’s you,” her mom said.
I don’t know what my mom would have thought, she passed in 1989, two days shy of her 60th birthday. But my mother wasn’t that bound with convention. I think she would have been happy for me.
I was expecting a lot of couples, where we could hide in the back.
It looked at first like we were the only couple that showed up, although by the time the officiant had finished her remarks, it turned out there were two older men, and lastly, two rather young women, and us, three couples in all. The men wore matching shirts. One of the girls wore flipflops. We didn’t hide in the back.
We had orchid wrist corsages that my sister brought. And rings. The rings we bought for the ceremony didn’t come in time so we picked out rings we already had. They happen to be beautiful. Oh, and I had a sandal malfunction. I got married in bare feet.
The people we are Resisting would not accept what we have as a legitimate marriage. Do not kid yourself, if they get the chance, they will try and roll it back. They will continue to let us know we don’t fit. We don’t belong.
But we have a union.
That is worth every ounce of Resistance. It is worth fighting for. It is worth vigilance.
Thanks for fighting beside us.
64% approval of gay marriage. Guess many now realize, gay isn't contagious; marriage equality won't end civilization https://t.co/siilNqOwlU
— Ana Navarro-Cárdenas (@ananavarro) May 15, 2017
— Human Rights Campaign (@HRC) May 16, 2017
Eight years ago, opposition to marriage equality outpolled support by 57-40. Now, support stands at 64-34—just a remarkable transformation. pic.twitter.com/qIhdeGhpFI
— Matthew Vines (@VinesMatthew) May 16, 2017
— Love Equality NI (@Love_EqualityNI) May 16, 2017
— AU Marriage Equality (@AMEquality) May 16, 2017
— Toni Ferguson (@WildAtlasTA) May 7, 2017
— ColorOfChange (@ColorOfChange) May 11, 2017
— ColorOfChange (@ColorOfChange) May 15, 2017
— ColorOfChange (@ColorOfChange) May 16, 2017
At best, Trump has committed a grave abuse of executive power. At worst, he has obstructed justice. We must #ProtectOurDemocracy.
— Nancy Pelosi (@SpeakerPelosi) May 16, 2017
— BioHaphazard (@ImWokeRu) January 22, 2017
Thank you for your patience. Love and peace, Village! Enjoy your Wednesday gathering.
We are #StrongerTogether
We are #TheResistance and #WePersist
All are welcome!